cyberspace junkyard

Childhood Memories
For someone who prides herself on the horde of useless, trivial information that patters around in her brain, I have surprisingly little recollection of my childhood. No flashing movies, no warm&fuzzy feelings, no sound, nothing other than static images of remembered photos rather than remembered memories.

aside - is a memory actually a memory if it can't be remembered? Hmmm...

I can walk you step by step through all my childhood photo albums without looking at them and describe where I'm positioned in the photo and probably what I'm wearing and what my hairstyle is (why is that no surprise to anyone), but zippo about my actual experiences. Why the sudden desire to trip down memory lane? Well, I've been reading Domes of Fire by David Eddings and Mirtai (Queen Ehlana's Atana bodyguard) is going through her rite of passage to adulthood, where she sits around a campfire with her nearest and dearest and relives her childhood. Times of gut-wrenching pain and anguish peppered with a few brief moments of joy, that made her who she is today.

I also shared a birthday surprise for a friend's recent 30th birthday, where the gathered revealed memories and impressions of the birthday boy over the years of friendship with him. It all leads me to ponder what it was that made me who I am today. A person of both overwhelming complexity and strange simplicity, who strives to follow the path laid by Christ and laying my life at His feet.

It's no coincidence at all then that the song I'm currently working on is about self-image. In fact, at the start of this post, I had no idea why I was blogging about it, but now as I finish, I realise that God answers prayers in weird and wonderful ways. I had been praying that He would help me to trust Him with it and peel back the layers and reveal my own inner self, the one that cries out sometimes from having to be shunted aside to make way for the weight of expectations and being all things to all people. The one that is secure in His love and forgiveness, that longs for the day of His return and patiently seeks His truth.

God is truly amazing.